One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is. - Erma Bombeck
There is nothing more miserable in the world than to arrive in paradise and look like your passport photo. - Erma Bombeck
A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday. - Erma Bombeck
Do you know what you call those who use towels and never wash them, eat meals and never do the dishes, sit in rooms they never clean, and are entertained till they drop? If you have just answered, "A house guest," you're wrong because I have just described my kids. - Erma Bombeck
I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: "Checkout Time is 18 years." - Erma Bombeck
There is one thing I have never taught my body how to do and that is to figure out at 6 A.M. what it wants to eat at 6 P.M. - Erma Bombeck
Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead. - Erma Bombeck
Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago. - Erma Bombeck
No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their children do it because there is wrinkle in the spread or the blanket is on crooked. This is sick. - Erma Bombeck
Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It's too controversial. - Erma Bombeck