A politician is an animal which can sit on a fence and yet keep both ears to the ground. - H. L. Mencken
Morality is the theory that every human act must be either right or wrong, and that 99 % of them are wrong. - H. L. Mencken
Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want, and deserve to get it good and hard. - H. L. Mencken
Every man sees in his relatives, and especially in his cousins, a series of grotesque caricatures of himself. - H. L. Mencken
Platitude: an idea (a) that is admitted to be true by everyone, and (b) that is not true. - H. L. Mencken
Women have simple tastes. They get pleasure out of the conversation of children in arms and men in love. - H. L. Mencken
No married man is genuinely happy if he has to drink worse whisky than he used to drink when he was single. - H. L. Mencken
I never lecture, not because I am shy or a bad speaker, but simply because I detest the sort of people who go to lectures and don't want to meet them. - H. L. Mencken