P. J. O'Rourke quotes

P. J. O'Rourke is a renowned American political satirist, journalist, and author known for his sharp wit and humor. With a career spanning over four decades, O'Rourke has written numerous best-selling books and articles for publications such as The Atlantic Monthly, Vanity Fair, and Rolling Stone. His unique take on politics and culture has made him a household name in the world of satire. Get to know more about P. J. O'Rourke and his hilarious insights by checking out his latest works today!

You know, if government were a product, selling it would be illegal.

- P. J. O'Rourke

You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they’re going.

- P. J. O'Rourke

This drunkenness culminates on New Year’s Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you’re married to.

- P. J. O'Rourke

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes 380SL convertible.

- P. J. O'Rourke

The interesting thing about staring down a gun barrel is how small the hole is where the bullet comes out, yet what a big difference it would make in your social schedule.

- P. J. O'Rourke

The average IQ in America is – and this can be proven mathematically – average.

- P. J. O'Rourke

Politicians are interested in people in the same way that dogs are interested in fleas.

- P. J. O'Rourke

One of the annoying things about believing in free will and individual responsibility is the difficulty of finding somebody to blame your problems on. And when you do find somebody, it’s remarkable how often his picture turns up on your driver’s license.

- P. J. O'Rourke

Man developed in Africa. He has not continued to do so there.

- P. J. O'Rourke

It’s better to spend money like there’s no tomorrow than to spend tonight like there’s no money.

- P. J. O'Rourke

I have often been called a Nazi, and, although it is unfair, I don’t let it bother me. I don’t let it bother me for one simple reason. No one has ever had a fantasy about being tied to a bed and sexually ravished by someone dressed as a liberal.

- P. J. O'Rourke

Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies who like to eat theirs.

- P. J. O'Rourke

How often does a house need to be cleaned anyway? Just once every girlfriend. After that she can get to know the real you.

- P. J. O'Rourke

Government is to life what pantyhose are to sex.

- P. J. O'Rourke

Government is a health hazard. Governments have killed many more people than cigarettes or unbuckled seat belts ever have.

- P. J. O'Rourke

Drugs have taught an entire generation of English kids the metric system.

- P. J. O'Rourke

Bachelorhood, like being alive, is more depressing than anything but the known alternative.

- P. J. O'Rourke

Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

- P. J. O'Rourke

A woman should dress to attract attention. To attract the most attention, a woman should either be nude or wearing something as expensive as getting her nude is going to be.

- P. J. O'Rourke

A nation with a goofy foreign policy needs a very serious policy of defense.

- P. J. O'Rourke

We’re told cars are dangerous. It’s safer to drive through South Central Los Angeles than to walk there. We’re told cars are wasteful. Wasteful of what? Oil did a lot of good sitting in the ground for millions of years. We’re told cars should be replaced with mass transportation. But it’s hard to reach the drive-through window at McDonald’s from a speeding train. And we’re told cars cause pollution. A hundred years ago city streets were ankle deep in horse excrement. What kind of pollution do you want? Would you rather die of cancer at eighty or typhoid fever at nine?

- P. J. O'Rourke

I can understand why mankind hasn’t given up war. During a war you get to drive tanks through the sides of buildings and shoot foreigners – two things that are usually frowned on during peacetime.

- P. J. O'Rourke

Fish is the only food that is considered spoiled once it smells like what it is.

- P. J. O'Rourke

Everyone wants to save the earth. No one wants to help Mom dry the dishes.

- P. J. O'Rourke