P. J. O'Rourke quotes

P. J. O'Rourke, born and raised in Toledo, Ohio, is an acclaimed political satirist and writer. With his sharp wit and keen observational skills, he has become one of America's most renowned social commentators. O'Rourke's thought-provoking and humorous style has graced the pages of numerous publications, including Rolling Stone, The Atlantic, and The Weekly Standard. He has authored more than 20 books, covering a wide range of topics from politics and economics to travel and automobiles. Known for his libertarian views, O'Rourke fearlessly challenges conventional wisdom and offers unique insights into the complexities of modern society. With his unapologetic humor and insightful analysis, P.J. O'Rourke continues to captivate readers and provoke thought.

Shop books about P. J. O'Rourke

The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to.

- P. J. O'Rourke

In our brief national history we have shot four of our presidents, worried five of them to death, impeached one and hounded another out of office. And when all else fails, we hold an election and assassinate their character.

- P. J. O'Rourke

Politics are for foreigners with their endless wrongs and paltry rights. Politics are a lousy way to get things done. Politics are, like God's infinite mercy, a last resort.

- P. J. O'Rourke

Never fight an inanimate object.

- P. J. O'Rourke

The weirder you're going to behave, the more normal you should look. It works in reverse, too. When I see a kid with three or four rings in his nose, I know there is absolutely nothing extraordinary about that person.

- P. J. O'Rourke

Children must be considered in a divorce considered valuable pawns in the nasty legal and financial contest that is about to ensue.

- P. J. O'Rourke

Government proposes, bureaucracy disposes. And the bureaucracy must dispose of government proposals by dumping them on us.

- P. J. O'Rourke

Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly.

- P. J. O'Rourke

Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.

- P. J. O'Rourke

Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.

- P. J. O'Rourke

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

- P. J. O'Rourke

The good news is that, according to the Obama administration, the rich will pay for everything. The bad news is that, according to the Obama administration, you're rich.

- P. J. O'Rourke

Earnestness is stupidity sent to college.

- P. J. O'Rourke

There is one thing women can never take away from men. We die sooner.

- P. J. O'Rourke

The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work and then they get elected and prove it.

- P. J. O'Rourke

Feeling good about government is like looking on the bright side of any catastrophe. When you quit looking on the bright side, the catastrophe is still there.

- P. J. O'Rourke

If you say a modern celebrity is an adulterer, a pervert and a drug addict, all it means is that you've read his autobiography.

- P. J. O'Rourke

If government were a product, selling it would be illegal.

- P. J. O'Rourke

Every government is a parliament of whores. The trouble is, in a democracy, the whores are us.

- P. J. O'Rourke

America wasn't founded so that we could all be better. America was founded so we could all be anything we damned well pleased.

- P. J. O'Rourke

You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going.

- P. J. O'Rourke

Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

- P. J. O'Rourke

Ideology, politics and journalism, which luxuriate in failure, are impotent in the face of hope and joy.

- P. J. O'Rourke

I like to think of my behavior in the sixties as a "learning experience." Then again, I like to think of anything stupid I've done as a "learning experience." It makes me feel less stupid.

- P. J. O'Rourke

Never be unfaithful to a lover, except with your wife.

- P. J. O'Rourke

Whatever it is that the government does, sensible Americans would prefer that the government does it to somebody else. This is the idea behind foreign policy.

- P. J. O'Rourke

Let's reintroduce corporal punishment in the schools - and use it on the teachers.

- P. J. O'Rourke

Seriousness is stupidity sent to college.

- P. J. O'Rourke

Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power.

- P. J. O'Rourke

There's one more terrifying fact about old people: I'm going to be one soon.

- P. J. O'Rourke