comedian quotes

Explore witty and humorous quotes by your favorite comedians on our website. Laugh till you drop with the best in comedy!

Don't be frightened by the waves. If we read the flow of the waves and accept them, we can overcome it. There's no wave that can't be overcome!!

- Sinbad

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

- Henny Youngman

There are few takers for the quiet heart.

- Steve Martin

She tried to get even with him through psychological warfare but couldn't, because he didn't care.

- Steve Martin

It's pain that changes our lives.

- Steve Martin

Why sip from a tea cup, when you can drink from the river.

- Steve Martin

Thankfully, persistence is a great substitute for talent.

- Steve Martin

You want to know how I think art should be taught to children? Take them to a museum and say, 'This is art, and you can't do it.'

- Steve Martin

Be so good they can’t ignore you.

- Steve Martin

You know that look that women get when they want to have sex? Me neither.

- Steve Martin

Writer's block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.

- Steve Martin

The banjo is such a happy instrument--you can't play a sad song on the banjo - it always comes out so cheerful.

- Steve Martin

Somewhere in the world is the world's worst doctor and he could be yours.

- Steve Martin

Some people have a way with words, and other people... oh, uh, not have way.

- Steve Martin

If you've got a dollar and you spend 29 cents on a loaf of bread, you've got 71 cents left; But if you've got seventeen grand and you spend 29 cents on a loaf of bread, you've still got seventeen grand. There's a math lesson for you.

- Steve Martin

I've heard lots of people lie to themselves but they never fool anyone.

- Steve Martin

I've got to keep breathing. It'll be my worst business mistake if I don't.

- Steve Martin

I thought yesterday was the first day of the rest of my life but it turns out today is.

- Steve Martin

I saw the movie, 'Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon' and was surprised because I didn't see any tigers or dragons. And then I realized why: they're crouching and hidden.

- Steve Martin

I believe in equality. Equality for everybody. No matter how stupid they are or how superior I am to them.

- Steve Martin