Parks and Recreation quotes

Discover the laughter, the camaraderie, and the heartfelt moments of the beloved sitcom Parks and Recreation. Celebrating the beauty of small-town politics, this quote category captures the quirky characters and hilarious situations that make this show an all-time favorite.

Keep your tears in your eyes where they belong.

- Ron Swanson

[On bowling] Straight down the middle. No hook, no spin, no fuss. Anything more and this becomes figure skating.

- Ron Swanson

In my opinion, not enough people have looked their dinner in the eyes and considered the circle of life.

- Ron Swanson

An hour ago a giant fireball consumed my entire face and it was far preferable to spending another second with you.

- Ron Swanson

I’ve had the same haircut since 1978 and I’ve driven the same car since 1991. I’ve used the same wooden comb for three decades. I have one bowl. I still get my milk delivered by horse.

- Ron Swanson

People who buy things are suckers.

- Ron Swanson

I'll take that steak to go. Please and thank you.

- Ron Swanson

The government is a greedy piglet that suckles on a taxpayer's teat until they have sore, chapped nipples.

- Ron Swanson

Give 100%. 110% is impossible. Only idiots recommend that.

- Ron Swanson

If it doesn’t have meat, it’s a snack.

- Ron Swanson

I like some changes. Like when I change a tree into a canoe, or a wife into an ex-wife.

- Ron Swanson

I enjoy government functions like I enjoy getting kicked in the nuggets with a steel toed boot.

- Ron Swanson

On my deathbed, my final wish is to have my ex-wives rush to my side so I can use my dying breath to tell them both to go to hell one last time.

- Ron Swanson

There's only one thing I hate more than lying: skim milk. Which is water that's lying about being milk.

- Ron Swanson

There are three acceptable haircuts: high and tight, crew cut, buzz cut.

- Ron Swanson

The whole point of this country is if you want to eat garbage, balloon up to 600 pounds and die of a heart attack at 43, you can! You are free to do so. To me, that’s beautiful.

- Ron Swanson

Is Star Wars the one with the wizard boy?

- Ron Swanson

Well, I am not usually one for speeches. So, goodbye.

- Ron Swanson

I'm a simple man. I like pretty, dark-haired women, and breakfast food.

- Ron Swanson

Please and thank you.

- Ron Swanson

If any of you need anything at all, too bad. Deal with your problems yourselves, like adults.

- Ron Swanson

My only official recommendations are US Army-issued mustache trimmers, Morton's Salt, and the C.R. Lawrence Fein two inch axe-style scraper oscillating knife blade.

- Ron Swanson

No home is complete without a proper toolbox. Here's April and Andy's: A hammer, a half eaten pretzel, a baseball card, some cartridge that says Sonic and Hedgehog, a scissor half, a flashlight filled with jellybeans.

- Ron Swanson

Don't waste energy moving unless necessary.

- Ron Swanson

I don't want to paint with a broad brush here, but every single contractor in the world is a miserable, incompetent thief.

- Ron Swanson

When people get a little too chummy with me I like to call them by the wrong name to let them know I don't really care about them.

- Ron Swanson

Once a year, every branch of this government meets in a room and announces what they intend to waste taxpayer money on.

- Ron Swanson

Give a man a fish and feed him for a day. Don't teach a man to fish… and feed yourself. He's a grown man. And fishing's not that hard.

- Ron Swanson

Fish, for sport only, not for meat. Fish meat is practically a vegetable.

- Ron Swanson

There is only one bad word: taxes.

- Ron Swanson